Beers. It’s been raining beers.
“Two for the road please!” Claire said.
They have been there for several hours and Claire has not said any words about what really happened. She was just there, pouring all her emotions to every bucket of beer.
“Claire, you’re drunk. Let’s go home.”
“Nope. If you want to go home, then leave. I’ll be fine.”
“No. I am not leaving you but please, you can’t move forward if you won’t tell me what’s going on. If you won’t let it out.” said Franco.
“I’m not really good at that. I’m a writer, not a speaker. I wanted to tell you, but I just can’t put it into words.”
“Then write it. Write your emotions. That’s who you are. What do you need? A pen and paper? A laptop? Tell me. I don’t like seeing you like this.”
Claire is drunk and starting to get emotional. But she’s still firm. She won’t talk.
“Okay. Okay. Give me that pen and I’ll begin writing. Maybe this is the time that I have been waiting for. The time that I can finish what I have started writing 2 weeks ago when we met.”
Franco gave her a pen and paper and Claire began writing.
Dungeons and Dragons. A long moment of silence. Franco focused on his own phone just to entertain himself while Claire writes her emotions.
I never thought that this day would come. This day when I realized that it is no longer healthy to love you; that our love for each other is no longer healthy for the both of us.
You make it look so easy, getting over me and moving on. While I’m still trying to pick myself up, you are already out there, partying and enjoying your single life. You enjoy your single life while I remain on the dark spot because you simply refuse to be forgotten.
There were nights when I am about to forget you and move on. Just when I am already beginning to open myself up to other people, here comes a message from you telling me how much you’re missing me; reminding me how much you love me.
MISSING SOMEONE AT 2AM IS DIFFERENT FROM MISSING SOMEONE AT 10AM OR PROBABLY AT 10PM.
All I want is for you to understand that I am also trying to get my life back. Just like you. But why is it that most of the times you act like you’re completely over me and a minute after you‘ll come back to me when you’re feeling lonely?
I know I have made a promise – a promise that there will be no one else but you no matter what happens, that there will be no one else after you because I don’t need a man and I don’t date just for the sake of dating. I know that. I even remember my exact words. But that doesn’t mean you won’t give me the chance to have my life back, to continue living the life I had before I met you.
I love you. I really do and I always will. But we both have to accept the fact that we failed to make things work; that we allowed a lot of things to get between us. That our love for each other has made us both unhappy with the feeling that we are both trapped in a situation that makes us happy and sad at the same time. We both know that it’s not right to feel two emotions at the same time. We can be happy but we chose to complicate a lot of things and we both made everything worse making us both feel frustrated.
You are that person that I dreamt of spending the rest of my life with. That must be the reason why in spite of knowing that the relationship is no longer working, in spite of knowing that you are already beginning to take a different path – a path that is entirely different from the path that we have both planned to take – I keep holding on. You know me too well. You know all my weak spots and you know exactly how to get my attention. And I. AM. TOO. WEAK. TO. RESIST. YOU.
Read on. This is not all about hatred. In spite of what had happened to us, there are still a lot of things that I want to thank you for.
Thank you for helping me heal the wounds from my past. You do know what I have been through. You know how hard it is for me to let someone in. You know how much I tried to let you in, that after every fight, I tried my best to become better for you. Because of you, it is now easier for me to let people in once again.
Thank you for not talking to me for weeks after our every fight. It taught me how to pick my battles. It taught me that we can’t always be vocal of how we feel. That sometimes keeping our mouths shut can help heal wounds. It taught me to let small things go. It taught me to reserve my words and only use them when I am left with no other choice but to speak. It taught me that not all people are like me who prefers straightforward bullets than sugar coated nuts.
Thank you for allowing me to reach my breaking point. I learned to pick myself up and face life’s challenges with maturity. I was able to clearly see the thin line between loving someone so true and desperation. I learned when to let go. I realized that I am tired, that I am exhausted. That what we’re doing is excruciating.
Thank you for showing the difference between true love and fated love, between good love and right love. This does not need to be explained further. This does not need any supporting facts. I’m leaving this for you to think about. If we see what we had differently, then that gives us the answer to what we really had.
Thank you for making me experience how difficult it is to be in a relationship where only one person is in love, for making me feel guilty of using a clean soul just to get over this chase that is taking longer than what is expected for adults like us. I learned that people like them, if we can’t love them as much as we loved our greatest love, deserves fair treatment. They, too, deserves our kindness and honesty; that we are not supposed to make them believe that we love them; that we have to be thankful that they are with us to help us recover in spite of knowing that they are just rebounds. They deserve to know that we are trying to learn to love them back.
I will miss the old you. I know time will come that the person I once knew will once again happen, but this time, not for me but for someone else. We both know that we have hurt each other so much and we can no longer continue to pretend that we can mend the things we broke because of our respective prides. Please delete everything that will remind you of me so you will not try to talk to me anymore. So you will not miss me. Please block me on all possible ways that I can contact you because I know myself too well to know that time will come that I will miss you and I will call you. Please do not allow me to do that. Please help me move on.
I will miss you. I will miss us, but this has to stop.
What happened next? To be continued.